The problem with success is that it’s really tough to wean off of. You follow this linear pattern of up, up, up, and you don’t quite understand when you’ve actually made “it.” Thousands of years ago, you made it when you found a mate, or hunted food or gathered enough materials for a shelter. Now, not much is tactile. You no longer feel success, or see it in front of you. What’s worse, you often have to look to the left and right to see what your neighbors level of success is and compare it to yours.
The solution to this cannot simply be to step back and realize that success is amorphous anymore than telling a cigarette smoker that he should fight the urge to smoke by thinking about how silly all of it is. It’s deep in you, it’s got control, and it needs slaying.
What is your life if you’re not pointing to some far away goal? In what universe are you simply permitted to just “be”, rather than attain something. What if you can’t sit still? What if fear pervades any attempt to stop? How do you measure your worth? How do others measure your worth? What is life worth? What is your life worth? What does a good life look like? What if you just spend it goofing off? What if everything you know about yourself begins to implode because you can’t distract yourself? How does silence feel for you? What if there’s nothing to take care of right now? What if there is too much time and not enough time at the same time? What if this is all there is? What if these questions have no answers? Who do you become then? How do you compare yourself to anything? When if the lack of effort is the point? What if it all implodes?
Success, in one way or another, is a wonderful substitute for siting quietly and pondering those most uncomfortable questions we all are scared to us. It’s our cigarette that we’re all dying for, even though we know it’s probably not good for us and takes us away from the thing we really want.